


Let Go

by EternityEmbraced



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: FemShep - Freeform, Gen, Mass Effect 3, No Romance, Paragon Commander Shepard, Post-Mass Effect 3, Spoilers, Wish Fulfillment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-16
Updated: 2016-12-16
Packaged: 2018-09-09 01:32:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8870593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EternityEmbraced/pseuds/EternityEmbraced
Summary: ( Reader / FemShep ) Saying goodbye is never easy, but saying goodbye to someone like Commander Shepard is like dying in and of itself.





	

 

 

Sometimes I dream of them. We're on missions, or we're having a party, or we're escaping a warzone together. Whether they are my heroes or my dearest friends, I can visualize all of them perfectly. Even when I know I must be imagining things, they still seem as real to me as any friend or family member in my life.

 

But this time I dream of her. And in my dreams I throw myself into her arms the minute I see her.

 

I don't know exactly where we are or how we got here. My dreamworld seems to fade away to add further emphasis to this moment; she's in my arms, and I'm all that's standing between her and her final mission on Earth.

 

We must already have some kind of an established history, or maybe she's just being kind to me, because she doesn't pull away. I always made her follow the Paragon path where she could be strong but kind and understanding. My Shepard was always known for her compassion; brings me some comfort to know she would show that same compassion for me.

 

We only have a few moments together. Seconds feel like centuries and I wonder if she knows anything about me. Does she know that she was completely and entirely mine? Does she know that from the very moment I started this game, I shaped her into the woman she would become? That I was the one who gave her that beautiful bronze skin, her jet black hair, the tight ponytail, the bright green eyes, her full lips and her little freckles? Does she know that my decisions helped make her as good and just as she is? Does she know that I was the one who set her down this path where she could bring some happiness and peace in this galaxy?

 

Does she know how unbearable it is for me, at this moment, now that it has come to this?

 

_And I just..._

 

"I _can't_ let you go..." my arms tighten around her. My nails dig into the shallow cracks on her armor. I shake my head and hold her closer. "I can't... I _won't_..."

 

Even in the dream I can feel her armor against my cheek. It's warm from the biotics or from the fires of a fresh battle. I smell the smoke that still lingers in her hair. I smell the metallic scent of someone else's blood on her gauntlets. Her body is tense but she holds me, gathering me up as if she's holding a frightened bird with a broken wing. She lowers her head and I feel her cheek against my crown, but she says nothing.

 

"I can't let you go." I whisper as my voice cracks. "You won't come back. I can't..."

  
  
I imagine the dialogue options opening on the screen. I can't imagine what they say, but I know she won't be cruel to me. If there's a Charm option available, she would use it. My Shepard was never needlessly cruel or unkind, but it still takes a moment before she speaks.

 

"If I don't go, I'm as good as dead anyways." she reasons with me. Her voice is soft and gentle. It's the same familiar tone she uses when Liara's mother died; sympathetic and warm, though this time I can hear the heartbreak. Her hand strokes my hair and I hold her even closer. "You know I can't stay and let the Reapers win. I won't."

 

My eyes overflow with tears. They run down my cheeks like a rushing river. I know she is right. And I know I can't change anything.

 

I can't speak and yet I have so much to say. I want to tell her how much she means to me even though I know she isn't real. I want her to know the impact she's made on my life. I want to ask if she even knows just how loved she is. How much she means to the friends she's made and the lovers she's had. I want her to know that there will never be another hero like her and that nobody could possibly take her place. I want her to know that in the time I've spent with her, she's become a friend and a hero, and that watching her go will be losing someone special.

 

"Aren't you afraid?" I force the words out but my lips are trembling and my voice quivers. "I'm so scared for you. I don't want you to be all alone. I don't want you to be in pain."

 

"Hey..." she soothes me. Her hand strokes my back and her lips come closer to my ear. "It's going to be all right. We are going to make it through this."

 

It's a lie even if it's a kind one. I know what's coming next. I know her fate. I know what she'll do even before she makes it to the Catalyst. It hurts me more than I ever thought it would. There is nothing that can prepare you for the moment when it's finally here.

 

"I love you, Shepard." I whisper to her. "I'm on your side, no matter what. I always was."

 

"I know," she hugs me tight and I can hardly breathe. She's strong, warm and alive, and I want to live in these few moments forever.

 

_"It's going to be okay."_

 

Her embrace lessens but she doesn't move away. My arms release her, but my hands hold onto hers for a moment longer. She pulls away long enough for me to see the sadness on her face.

 

But she doesn't break, not for one moment.

  
  
She will not allow herself to fall apart for my sake.

 

_And she waits for me to let her go..._

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this after beating Mass Effect 3 for the very first time. It seems silly to mourn a fictional character but after investing so much time and energy into her character and her story, I did need a moment to recover from it. Commander Shepard will always hold a special place in my heart as a video game heroine. Even now, it's still hard for me to replay the game with a male Shepard because it just doesn't feel the same. I won't let that stop me, though! I am happy to have finally played these games and to finally have a place in the fandom.


End file.
